The journey with Henry has been, at times, joyful, exciting, and utterly wonderful, but also tough to figure out, and a bit soul sucking. He cares about me, I know, but not as deeply as I feel about him. He still has guilt about dating, although not as much as he used to. Friday night he texted me about how much he wanted to see me(then why DON'T YOU?); however, Saturday was Hoops4Life in memory of his late wife, so he couldn't get together then. And I was in a lonely, and down mood, thus I didn't necessarily respond the way I wanted to or should have. Then he answered me in a very lovely way about how much he enjoys our time together, and that I have brought some joy to his life. Yet he also mentioned, jokingly, that after our many months together, he of course can tolerate me, more than that. And I wanted to answer, "YES, but you appear to only tolerate me in limited doses." So, today I went out and bought bicycle shorts and new running shoes. I will eventually buy a bike. Yesterday, I took myself to this movie, and enjoyed it very much, with laughter and tears. I would like to depend on this man, but I can't. His words are great, but his follow through not so much. :(
I didn't buy these pants, since they seemed too long, and made my legs look TOO SKINNY. But I did get a pair of shorter ones. :)
Yet sometimes, when circumstances don't seem very humorous at all, you find out that your older daughter is related genetically to "Santa Claus," and it sends you into fits of laughter. I'll get through this, my friends. If Henry does withdraw(again), I'll need to figure out how to handle it and how many more times I want to do so. If I think that the overall beauty of the relationship and its future is worth it, I'll keep moving forward and see what happens. If not, I have Mari, and many friends to help me through the loss. Such is life, eh, full of ups and downs, and unknowns? Thank you for allowing me to use this blog as my emotional therapy, and sorry that you have to read some of this annoying drivel!